


If I Had Said Goodbye

by teatimeready



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Death, Death in the Family, Death of Aunt, Divorce, Drama & Romance, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Implied Polyamorous Relationship, Love Confessions, Moving On, Multi, Open Marriage, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Polyamory, Recovery, Resolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:07:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teatimeready/pseuds/teatimeready
Summary: This is a story of recovery, self-expectance, and finding love again.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Dean Winchester/Reader, Jensen Ackles/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. It’s Real.

**Author's Note:**

> *no pairing in first chapter*
> 
> This is a story I’m writing to help with the sudden death of my Aunt. She was my best friend. So please be gentle with your comments. <3

The stale stench of death and disease does nothing to distract me from my path. my heart hurts, as it should with everything going through my mind and soul in this fleeting yet very agonising moment. Any other visit I would be trembling with an uneasiness over all the dead around me. Not this time though. And a small voice in the back of my head hopes there will never be another event such as this. 

I know there won’t be. For you can only lose your aunt, your best friend, mother figure all in one person once. And it was happening to me right now. No. It _did happen_.

The noticeable drop in temperature ignites a flicker of astonishment. The hospital is already what I thought to be the right temp for such a gloomy place. _Of course the morgue would be cooler. What were you thinking?_

I wasn’t thinking, not really. I was too focused on the cold, the sickly-sweet smell of metal and something I was unfamiliar with, and the unsettling mounds of clean white sheets. Too white. White was supposed to represent purity and innocence. There was nothing innocent about this place. “She’s just over here.” Murmurs the kind doctor as he guides me along the maze of tables. 

_Is she? Is my aunt over there, ready to greet me with a warm smile, and a tight hug?_ I push down the bitter thoughts, reminding myself that it isn’t his fault, it no ones fault, as a sheet is lifted in front of me.

_...That’s not her. She’s too thin, too pale. And her smile. It’s gone. This isn’t right, it’s not her. She’s-_

I feel the tight hands of reality wrap around my neck and choke me. 

_She’s gone. She’s really gone._

  
TBC


	2. Good to See You Again

_Hey beautiful :) I’m in your town right now… Let’s meet and catch up._

That was all it took for me to meet up with Jensen at a small coffee shop down the road of my new place. I say _new_ but it’s actually the house I grew up in that I Inherited after my aunt suddenly passed away. 

I spot the tall actor right away, tucked snuggly in a corner, already cradling a coffee mug. I notice a mug waiting for me before I meet his eyes and we smile insync, “Hey, Jay,” I said cheerfully as he lifts himself from his seat and brings me into a tight hug. I involuntarily take in his familiar cologne, “it’s been too long.”

“I’d say, Y/n.” He motions for me to sit, “You changed your hair.”

I bashfully play at the ash blonde curls as I sit down, “Yea, it was a rash decision.” 

“You normally go a shade of red for fall. Why the sudden change in tradition?” He waves his hand about, “Not that I’m complaining. It looks great! I just know you like to save the blonde hair for summer.” He takes a slow sip of his coffee, and I can’t help but smile at his eye for detail.

I let out a dry laugh, “Just wanted to switch things up after…” I let out a heavy sigh, “the divorce. And Barb’s death.” The word _divorce_ taste bitter in my mouth. It was a good thing; getting out of that toxic relationship as soon as I could. Didn’t change the fact that I felt slightly ashamed by my failed marriage. Even though my ex was the cause of everything and-

“Is it official yet?” 

Jensen’s questions takes me away from my soon to be dark thoughts, “Yes. Thankfully it is all legally finished.” I give him a half smile before I take a sip of my drink. I’m not surprised at all by the familiar taste. _He still knows my order I see._

Jensen let out a heavy sigh, and then a light laugh, “that’s good news, sweetheart. The whole family has been worried.” 

I smile at the mention of Danneel and the kids, “how is everyone?”

“Don’t change the subject Y/n,” he stated seriously, before adding _they are good_ with a huge grin. 

I take a quick sip, “I don’t know what you want to hear, Jay.”

“I want to know how you are holding up.”

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I take a moment to really chew on those words. “I’m not great. But I’m definitely better than I was when I was still married to the prick.” I smile to show how okay I really was, but the look on Jensen’s face tells me he isn’t buying the generic answer. I sigh, and start to pick at the table, “I hurt, Jay. Deeply. The man that I thought loved and cherished me ended up being a self centered, narcissistic, abusive man. He got me to trust him, to believe in him, and share with him things I never thought I would say out loud. And then he used it all against me. I already had crippling low self-esteem before I met him, so we can imagine what this whole ordeal is going to do for any possible future partners.” I let out a bitter laugh and finally look up at the older man infront of me. I quickly swallow the laugh. He had a dark look to him; an emotion I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I slide my hand across the table, “and as for Barb…” I shake my head, not wanting to talk about her just yet, “I have hope though. I have friends and loved ones who have been very supportive of me the last few months. I have a network. I’ll heal.”

That seems to be enough for now as he grabs my hand and laces our fingers together. There’s a pause. Neither of us say anything for awhile. We just enjoy the hustle and bustle of the towns people around us, and the warmth of our joined hands. 

I notice a spark of something bloom is his eyes, and I tilt my head in silent question. “So, how about you invite me back to your place.” I give him a blank stare, The tone in his voice was questionable, “so we can-”

“So what can what?” I ask humorously as I let go of his hand. 

“Whatever you want. We can chat, or watch a movie. Maybe just cuddle. Whatever. No pressure, just relaxing. “

“Oh.” I quickly try to think if my place was ‘guest-ready’ or not. “yea, I’d like that Jay.” 

Jensen gave me his signature smile, and ushers me to stand to leave. I let out a bark of laughter at his impatiens, and gladly take his arm as he leads us out of the cafe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if I should continue. I’m a little bit worried about how dark it’s going to get for a few chapters, but I need it for venting. I’ll put warming’s before each said chapters. <3


End file.
